"Train up a child in the way he should go." Prov. 22:6

TOO PERFECT FOR THEIR OWN GOOD (2)

The words "the way he should go" mean: "The way best suited to your child's unique make-up, abilities, and God-given personality." Perfectionism violates these characteristics, encouraging your child to be something they weren't intended to be in order to gain approval. To help your child overcome this:

1. Convince them that they're valuable to God and you because of who they are, not because of what they can accomplish.

2. Help them to understand that it's impossible to complete every assignment without errors. Train them to think about mistakes as opportunities to experiment, clarify personal values, learn and improve their skills, thinking and decision-making.

3. Share with them your mistakes and poor decisions. Discuss your flaws and how you've grown through them.

4. Explain that perfectionists get "tunnel vision," locking themselves into limited and limiting options for problem-solving. Explain that there's more than one way to solve a problem, organize a project and get things done. Discuss some of these other ways as a means of expanding their perceptions and introducing greater flexibility into their life.

5. Celebrate the effort - not just the result. Praise things unrelated to achievement, such as generosity, honesty and kindness.

6. Reduce their pressure. Do they really need all those advanced courses, or to participate in every extracurricular activity?

Perfectionism is "too much of a good thing." It starts early and they don't grow out of it naturally. Helping reduce it systematically will improve your child's quality of life.